A Woman’s Version

I’m glad I’m a woman…Yes I am, yes I am.
I don’t live on Budweiser, beer, nuts, and Spam.
I don’t brag to my buddies about my erections.
I won’t drive to Hell before asking directions.
I act nice at parties; don’t act like a clown;
And I know how to put the damn toilet seat down.

I won’t grab your boobies;
I won’t pinch your butt.
My belt is not hidden beneath my beer gut.
I don’t go around re-adjusting my crotch;
or make sure my headboard bears
each hard-earned notch.
I don’t belch in public;
don’t scratch my behind.
I’m a woman, you see…
I’m just not that kind!

I’m glad I’m a woman; So glad I could sing…
and thrilled I’m not covered in shag carpeting.
Hair won’t grow from my ears, or cover my back.
And when I bend over, you can’t see my crack.

I’m a woman, alas…and I’m proud, don’t you see?
I’m blessed to have two boobs and squat when I pee.
I don’t live for golf, or shoot basketball.
I don’t swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.

I don’t need male bonding; I don’t cruise for chicks…
I’ll never join the “Hair Club”, or think with my *ick.
I’m a woman, by chance and thankful I am!
I’m so glad I’m a woman; not a man, yes I am.

Source: Emusing.com


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