I Lost My Voice This Christmas

December 24, 2009…  I woke up and opened my mouth to start my morning routine but this time I hear not a sound.  Nothing comes out even after several trials.  I want to shout or to cry out loud but there was nothing. Then comes the realization:  I HAVE LITERALLY LOST MY VOICE THIS CHRISTMAS!

I believe I am a good listener for I could always lend an ear to someone who needs it.  So I wonder if this could be the reason why I’m voiceless now.

Was it the cough?  Was it the colds?  Was it the long sleepless nights? was it the fatigue? Was it the loneliness?  Or was it all of the above?

Then came an inner voice telling me to listen not only to what other people are saying but also to what my body feels.  It says to take it slow even for just awhile. That inner voice also tells me to take some time to reflect and process what my heart is saying and to listen to it more often.

And now I admit, It’s hard when you always have to be the strong or jolly one coz no-one ever notices when your not ok.  And it’s difficult to celebrate when you have just lost someone close to heart.

As I listen to my heart, I hear it crying in this season of joy, amidst the carol of the children on the street and amongst the happy faces of everyone else.  I miss those Christmases with the whole family gathering at our long dinner table… celebrating this season in a feast… and going to the church together.

Just this once, let me be an emo….

Since I cannot greet you with my voice, let me greet you with my heart…

You may no longer be with us but your memories remains forever.  Though you’re in heaven now, I wanna wish you a Blessed Christmas… Nanay, Tatay, Mama Liza and Papa Boy… I truly miss you..


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